Steel Your Heart
by crazyasssoul
Summary: Her heart was shattered, but she moved forward. He had to be stopped and she had to be the one to stop him. Standing tall, shoulders back, she would march forward, she would steel her heart and win. -Not the best summary, but I hope you enjoy nonetheless!


It hurt.

Why does it hurt?

Should it hurt this much?

The comfort of the bed was forgotten, the suns warmth lost on skin, the breeze that usually chilled felt like a whisper amongst the turmoil.

How long was it ok to dwell?

How long would it hurt?

Would it ever disappear?

Questions lingered in the air, left unanswered by the silence that soaked the room. Uneasiness settled in Skyhold, whispers and gossips all seemed to stopped, life around the castle stilled, everyone tipped toe around everyone, afraid something was going to happen.

They were afraid of her.

The clouds obscured the sun for the briefest of moments, it didn't matter how much the sun loved to shine, there were always clouds to block the light, to block the way out. It had been 3 weeks since she left her room, her advisors tried to speak to her, tried to keep her up to date on the affairs and Corypheous, but she couldn't move. The only one who seemed to get the smallest reaction was Dorian. Mostly because they shared a connection she had with no other, at least not now. Hearing the door to her chambers opened, she sat up, her long hair tangled around her, maybe it was time to cut it. Get rid of anything that reminded her of him. Her eyes met Dorians, he held a small tray of food, knowing full well she may eat a few bites before pushing it away. Giving a sigh she flipped the blankets off of her, still not feeling the crisp winter air that surrounded Skyhold. She moved to the dresser where a small blade and mirror stood. Grabbing the blade she looked at Dorian.

"Would you help?" She watched as he set the tray on her bed, grabbing the blade from her.

"What would you like done love?" He smiled sadly at her, his eyes scanning her face for what she was thinking. Looking back at the mirror she looked every which way, flipping her hair many ways before she saw it, no one saw her with different hair, ever since she was a child she kept her hair long, kept and in place. It was because it was a rarity amongst elves to have snow white hair, not even the elders had it, always laced with silver, but hers, hers was as white as fresh fallen snow. It was time to change that.

Grabbing a small piece cloth, she ran her fingers through her hair, making a small line, separating the top half of her hair from the bottom.

"Shave the sides, when you're done, I'll do a large braid. I have an old cats skull, it should be small enough to hang on my forehead, embedded in my hair." She looked up to see him smiling at her.

"I have the perfect outfit to go with it."

She watched as piles of hair fell to the ground, he made sure not to slice into her scalp, but he got pretty close, leaving just stubble sticking out. When he was done, she prepared the braid, grabbing the cat's skull, she broke off the jaw, taking out a few of the teeth so it settled onto her forehead better. She watched as he went through her clothing, for the most part all she wore was the Inquisition garb they gave her. When he was finally happy with his choices, he laid them out on the bed, she gave a light chuckle, the first in a very long time. It was similar to Vivienne, jet black leggings with gold lace, the shirt was a simple black tunic that hung off her shoulders, but the dark red corset stood out, It would lace under her breasts, giving them a small lift, it tightened slightly at her waist, enough to accentuate the small waist she did have. He handed her the white fur cloak, draping it around her shoulders, clasping it in place with the halla pin she carried always. She was as he tapped his chin, she waited for him to figure out was missing, it was his masterpiece. Snapping his fingers he walked over to her side table next to her bed, taking out the small dagger she kept, in case of intruders. Grabbing the holster, he wrapped it around her right upper calf, taking a step back he smiled.

"I never thought red was your color, but, this…" His hands moved up and down gesturing to her. "This is outstanding if I don't say myself."

"It's not, much?" She quirked an eyebrow, it was the first time she worse such dark clothing, it was always something light, reminding everyone of spring.

"No, this seems, you. You are always been flaunted about by your, lovely, adversaries. You are always told what to wear, but this, something seems to ooze that this is you, that you are the Inquisitor, that you are the Queen of Skyhold." She choked at his words, she was far from Queen, very far from it, she was no royal, sensing this he laughed. "Love, you have accomplished what so many before you have failed. You have brought all walks of life under the same roof and allowed the to live. You gave them purpose when the rest of Thedas would shut them out. You deserve the title Queen more than any that have sat on the throne."

"Anyone ever tell you you're dramatic?" She rolled her eyes as he brought his arm around her, guiding her to the door. It was the first time anyone has seen her in weeks, this would surely be a shock. "Should I worry?"

"You are still you, now you just look it. I can only think of one who would be overly shocked, but why would his opinion matter?" He raised an eyebrow at her as they moved down the stairs. "You left him because he was withholding information, you FELT him lying, he chose to not chase, he chose to stay away, his opinion on how you do things from here on out, do not matter."

"Dorian…" She felt tears pricking her eyes. It was still fresh in her heart. When he removed the vasalin, she could sense he was covering for something else, it was in that moment she realised he wasn't honest as much as he let on. He was still hiding, hoping that she would not notice. She walked away from him, he did not come after her, did not ask her why, instead, he understood which only added to the pain, the anger. Straightening her shoulders, she nodded her head. "You're right. I left him for a reason, I will always love him, but he… he chose his path. I have more than myself to think of." She felt him give her a squeeze on her shoulder.

"Just remember, anytime you want to cry, feel angry, or hurt. Have Bull punch him, I am sure he would LOVE that."

Their laughter continued as they entered the main hall. Heads turned, the air went still, but she kept the smile on her face, she would face her people, she would face the world with a smile on her face even if it meant her heart was dying.

-.- Corypheous Battle – Defeated-.-

Corypheous seemed to fade away, inch by inch as the breach closed. Everything was done, everything was over, for now. She glanced down at the orb, watching as it began to shatter in her palms, crumbling to the floor. Solas stepped into her vision, his knees digging into the ground as he picked up the remaining pieces. She wished she could look at him with sympathy, with love, but she felt nothing. He had taken her heart, her soul, and shattered it. She should have known he wanted the orb for himself, she should have seen the anger when she challenged him and the old elven ways. She should have seen him betraying her at some point.

"There was nothing I could do for the orb." Her voice came out above a whisper, harsh like the cold winds of the storm coast. He slowly met her gaze, but she did not smile, she did not cry, she looked at him like a stranger caught in the war. His brows furrowed as he stared at her, it may have been concern, but it wasn't for her, she believed it wasn't for her.

"I expected as much." He stood, arms reach from her, there was something behind his eyes, a secret, a truth clawing its way to come out, but she didn't care. "I want you to know, what we had, have, it was real to me." She listened to the way he stumbled over his words, he wasn't sure what she was to him anymore, she wished it hurt, wished it stirred something within her, but she looked at him with pity.

"Inquisitor! Are you alive?" Cassandra's voice bellowed over the broken rubble. Taking steps back away from him, the pain he held, she couldn't care. She knew he was leaving, it would be rare for her to see him again, she steeled her heart, feeling now would do nothing, it would not waiver his mind, his path.

"Go, before they ask questions." He went to reach out to her but she turned away from him. "As you said, it is your path you must take." She walked away, not hearing his steps, she paused for a moment, allowing some heartache to flow in her voice before steeling herself again. "Ir ableas ma Vhenan. You chose this path for yourself, you wish for me not to follow, so I will not, and you would not ask of me to. Go before they detain you." With that she moved down the steps, hearing his soft steps running into the forest. If her heart could break anymore, the last of it just shattered as she met the soldiers and friends of the Inquisition, watching as they smiled and cheered for her to be alive, but she did not feel alive.

She felt empty, she felt the last of her heart shatter with each footstep that faded.

-.-

Sweat rolled down the side of her face, knee's dug hard in the ground, pain throbbing through her veins as the rift slowly opened. Satisfied, she dropped her arm, the anchor slowly dissipating, but the pain remaining. Dorian was at her side, helping her stand, Bull readied his ax as they waited, breathes held for something they weren't sure would happen.

It seemed like hours passed by, but finally, something came through, the soft glow of a halla hesitantly walking through. It made its way towards her, its voice ethereal and far, but sweet.

_Thank you._ It bowed it's head, transforming into a light blue silhouette of a young woman. She was human, a human spirit. _We wished to be back in the world, amongst our kin, our family. I thank you for that choice._ Without another word, she dissipated.

"Holy shit, Boss…" Bull looked wide eyed to where the spirit once stood, but she only smiled, her body ached, screamed, but the voices of the well silenced, they were happy.

"You did it." Dorian smiled down at her, though he was concerned for her health, his smile was genuine.

"We did it. It can be done, we can save everything.." She coughed, her lips forming a tight line as the voices came back, though albeit a whisper in the back of her mind.

"You mustn't push yourself dear." Her brought her over to one of the steps. They started in Mythal's temple, hoping that the connection from the well would help the spirits see their good will. It was nearing nightfall, she had spent hours slowly tearing open the veil, hoping that it would be spirits walking through, not the corrupted.

"I had to." She glanced down at her hand, massaging where the anchor laid dormant, for now. "We spent a year working out the inner workings, the kinks to this plan, I had to push to see if it was all for not." He took her hands in his. "We did it Dorian, we did it.."

"Now we just need to tell Chuckles." Bull huffed, slinging his ax onto his back. "But, if he's hiding about, frolicking in the forests, he's not going to see this." He pointed to the rift, instead of the unearthly green, it now glowed a soft blue. She was surprised at the difference but she remembered when they entered the fade early on, it was eerily green, nothing seemed, right.

"Then," She stood with shaky legs. "We open more, MAKE him notice, make him come to us." They smiled at her, standing tall, they moved, it was time to send the good news back to Skyhold.

-.- Skyhold, Inquisitor Bedroom-.-

She sat at her desk, flipping through old tomes, books and anything else they could get their hands on. It didn't matter the race, religion or origin, it was anything to do with the fade, the veil and the downfall of magic. The map of Thedas hung behind her, small marks on the map marking where they have opened rifts, where they will go next. She rubbed her temples, it had been almost 2 years since the fall of Corypheous and the Red Templars, his entire order, for the most part, had fallen at the hands of the Inquisition. She knew the tensions were rising across Thedas of the power they held, the army they possessed, but with Leliana being the Divine, they had decided to be her personal aide. They only answered to her and they went through many changes over the years. Sizing down, going through monthly checks for any that seemed eerie to the cause. Any that seemed they could be working for the Venetori, Qun, or Fen'Harel. It seemed to be working, only because there was no word on the elves that disappeared, continued to disappeared. But word was spreading that magic was flowing through Thedas once more. Nothing like what it used to be, but those skilled with magic before now flourished in ways they thought not possible. Others who held no magic could now learn. It was the most any one has seen Fereldan and Orlais coming together to help. There were tensions, uneasiness, but there was still help. They were still opening chantry's, schools, and more emporiums for those wanting to learn magic. Most were still angry that magic was coming back, that spirits were able to roam freely and do what they want. There were small rebellion groups coming together to 'kill' spirits, and any mages, but the Inquisition wasn't far behind.

On her own benefit she looked to the voices, asking the ancient voices how they taught those magic so many ages ago. Slowly she learned the small things, she also learned how to slow the anchor from devouring her arm. At some point, maybe when the veil was fully gone, she would rid herself of the dying limb, but for now, she would swallow the pain, the terror, the nightmares. Hearing her door opened she perked her head up, out of her own thoughts.

"Inquisitor." Josephine, Cullen and Dorian entered her room. Dorian carried a small tray of food, she smiled at him as he placed it down in front of her. It was pheasant soup and fresh bread. Slowly she began eating.

"What do I owe the visit for?"

"The Divine requested we attend the council meeting in the Winter Palace." Josephine jotted a few more things on her papers, frowning before smiling and looking up at her. "It is to decide the fate of the Inquisition, but she has told us there is no wish to disband it. They are more concerned with how we are going to move forward."

"Fair. That should be easily arrangeable." She swallowed a piece of bread, swirling the water in her cup. "What else?"

"There have been no word of demons, corrupted or anything at the rifts we have reopened, our scouts have reported that the small towns that are near actually welcome the spirits, wanting to learn from their knowledge, learn from the fade. They have also noted that the rifts are slowly expanding, nothing dangerous is happening, but as more spirits walk through, it seems to be, growing." Josephine walked around, pointing to the temple of Mythal. "This is the largest one, almost taking up the entire temple, our scouts have moved in, though noting nothing happens when they do, it almost seems like there is no rift, the only thing showing there is the faint glow around it."

"Any news on the Qun, or Solas?" She quirked an eyebrow at all of them. Dorian scratched the back of his head.

"Well, as far as Tevinter can tell, the Qun have backed off, but they seem to preparing for something. They have moved their spies, troops and people out of major cities. They have assured us they aren't planning anything, but one can never be to prepared."

"Send scouts to the outer areas, don't have them follow, but try and find any information, it may help." She looked at Cullen who was biting his lip, he was anxious about something. "Commander?"

"There is word… Of Solas…" The three of them avoided her gaze, her heart hammered but she ignored it. Now was not the time for her heart to come out. "There have been sightings of him, throughout the temples, rifts. We are assuming he is using the mirrors to move as fast as he is. We don't know what he's doing, but he's finally coming out."

"He didn't plan for this." When they gave her an odd look she chuckled. "Think about it. Every time he has planned something, he hasn't accounted for something. Either it be the Inquisition, Corypheous living, Mythal being alive. There has always been fault to his planning. He's run into it again." Dorian began laughing with her.

"He REALLY doesn't know how to plan, does he love?"

"It appears not." They all chuckled, shaking their heads at the elven god. For someone so sure of himself and his ways, he never saw further than the steps in front of him. "For now, we move to the winter palace, we play nice, smiles on, political talk, the fun stuff. Then we move on Solas." She looked at the map, they had almost hit every rift she previously closed. "We're almost done, soon Thedas will have been restored, hopefully, wherever the elves are, they are learning, they are living." Her smile broke briefly, remembering her now gone clan, laid in ash from the Templars. Shaking the thought she turned to her advisors. "For now, we act like we don't know he has surfaced, it doesn't leave this room."

"As you wish, Inquisitor." Cullen and Josephine bowed, leaving her and Dorian. He gave her a sad smile.

"We don't know if he knows we know." He brought her into a hug, squeezing her lightly.

"He does. Of course he would, with our scouts everywhere and Leliana still acting as Spymaster. He knows. He just doesn't know how we're going to act."

"He probably expects you to run to him, forget everything and just go." He chuckled as he tucked her hair behind her ear. "But I'm afraid he doesn't know your heart as well as he thinks he does."

"He believes he is doing this for the people. That his path is set and he cannot deviate." She rested her chin on his chest and looked up at him. Her brows coming together. "As much as I want to save him, to help him in any way, the people are more important. Not just my kin." He kissed the top of her forehead.

"You are to good for this world my dear." They shared a soft laugh before a devious grin came across his face. "Now, for your outfit for the winter palace.

She let out a small groan as well as a laugh, of course that's what he wanted to talk about now.


End file.
